Sunday, December 7, 2014

Real Talk + 27 weeks

I struggled coming up with the first sentence for this post, and rewrote it about a million times, so I'm just gonna get it out.  Gaining weight during pregnancy is HARD.  Not hard like it's hard to put on the pounds, hard like you don't feel like yourself when you've put on all those extra pounds.  There I said it.  Now go tell all your friends how I'm gonna be a bad mom cause I'm a little sad when I see another pound racking up on the scale, or wonder, "Who is that woman?" when I catch a glimpse of my own ever-changing body at a "bad angle".   

But you know what? I'm making a baby.  What an incredible privilege.  Am I worthy of it? No.  Am I amazed by it? Yes.  Am I infinitely changed forever because of it?  Definitely.   

We were blessed to be able to create life, and a tiny baby boy is snuggling deep inside of me, close to my heart, relying on ME, and our Heavenly Father to keep growing, to keep developing, and to keep being loved.  Oh, he is SO loved, oh how he has my whole heart.    

I recently attended a fireside where Elaine S. Dalton addressed the Relief Society and Young Women.  You wanna know what she talked about?  Our bodies.  What is the one thing that makes us all unique?  The one thing that Heavenly Father created individually, every detail, even perfectly?  Our bodies.  What is the main attack on women in the world today?  You guessed it, it's on the woman and her body.  Sister Dalton cautioned, "Stop looking at Instagram and saying to yourself, I don't measure up, STOP!"

There are times when I come home from a long 12 hr shift at work feeling tired, feeling at my largest because of my "full" tummy, and after beating myself up for this flaw or that flaw, I lay down in bed and close my eyes eager to begin a fresh day, and promise myself that I'll "try again tomorrow".  And then my baby does a little dance in my belly. And a smile breaks out on my face.  And then I want to kick myself.  How could I be so selfish??  How can I be sad that my thighs are a little thicker when there's a healthy, happy, baby growing INSIDE of me??  

I swear, he knows when his mamma is sad.  Cause when I'm feeling down, he stretches as far as he can, letting me feel his body rub up against mine, and he reminds me that I've been given the greatest privilege of all time.  I'm carrying a baby, and I'm gonna be a mamma.  

So now, with every pound, with every new dimple in my legs, with every new curve I've never seen on my body before, I'm gonna smile.  I'm gonna say to it, "Thanks for keeping my baby happy and healthy, you don't have to stay forever, but thanks for reminding me that what is happening inside of my body is incredible".   

“Motherhood, is near to divinity. It is the highest, holiest service to be assumed by mankind. It places her who honors its holy calling and service next to the angels.”